Dear Sydney

Before I was a mom I had determined I was going to be an authoritative parent. I would have rules and limits, but I would follow them through with patience and love. I never had a lot of patience but thought I would learn it easily. Three kids later my dreams of a perfect home kingdom is slowly crumbling. Parenting is not a true science with black and white rules to follow. Changing things/rules seems the only way to meet the needs of the individuals and the entire family. What's best for one isn't necessarily going to work for another child. Let's face it what works for me may not work for the kids.  

The truth is I am your parent.  I am not your friend. I never thought it would be this hard. The mom I thought I would be doesn't exist. I'm not perfect. I would have failed at any attempt to learn how to parent. 

I will never forget the amazing feeling of holding you for the first time. The new life held in my arms was a perfect package.  You were beautiful, healthy.  You looked like me.  You immediately looked to me to provide for you. Later you began to look up to me.  Those are some big shoes I must try to fill. 

The best way to face today and each day ahead is with baby steps.  This should be the best adventure of our lives. 

Mistakes I've made and may make again include:

1. Expecting the worst

2. Sweating the small stuff and losing my temper over it

3. Ignoring the big stuff 

4. Too much or too little discipline 

5. Too few or inconsistent responsibilities for each family member to contribute to the family 

6. Not putting God does and the family second and individuals third

7. Talking too much and not listening enough 

8. Trying to fix a problem rather than deal with the emotion 

I am sorry for the mistakes I've made. 

Before we know it this time will have passed and it will be just a memory.  I pray that it will be mostly happy ones of volleyball, school events, friends, vacations, etc. 

You are different than any other person on earth. You are an individual.  You are my second born child, the middle child. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are somewhat rebellious. You are strong willed. You are a BIG part of a circle of friends. You are You!  I am proud you are my daughter. 

Look inward not outward. Make a deliberate attempt with me to change how you and I see things.  Don't expect others to change for me and you. 

Remember, I love you no matter what.