Let it Go

We were created by God to need each other. We are children of the King, brothers and sisters in Christ. Relationships matter to God (and to me).  Families matter to God (and to me).

Few things are more painful than unresolved family conflict. Domineering individuals, confused and independent teens, or jealous siblings can create a battlefield involving every member of the family.  Whose turn it is to take out the trash  or do the dishes?  Did you clean your room before asking to go to the Friday night football game?  Did you ask permission to wear your sister's shirt?  Extremely irritating and bothersome but, in the big scheme of things, these are minor issues that can be resolved easily.  Families of all kinds are faced with bigger challenges such as drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, teen pregnancy, different values and beliefs, divorce and many more issues.  The solutions to these issues often take more effort and time from everyone involved. 

As we grow and mature so should our relationships. But the reality is that the problems don't magically disappear as we grow up. Therefore, as adults we should accept our differences with family members, and love them anyway, focus on the positives, let go and hope for the best. . To have a relationship or to love each other we don't have to be the same and we don't have to like everything that the other one does. We can love through all the things we don't like.   New differences will arise. Mistakes will be made.  Disagreements will take place. But in no way do these things change the deep love we have for one another. No one is going anywhere. We are family and that means we’re all safe. Right?

Lessons Learned

These thoughts were from a few months ago but I want to share.  

To whom it may concern,

Sometime Friday in the early morning hours you searched my neighborhood taking things that did not belong to you. Once you rummaged my niece's car and took the garage opener, you helped yourself to a new means of transportation. Forcing the Jeep out of my garage damaged another vehicle and other personal property. What on earth made you think this behavior was acceptable?

Thank you for the reminder of what really matters in life.  My faith, health, family, friends and strength are better than the material things you helped yourself to without permission.  I am proud of what I have accomplished that allows me to maintain this quality of life you will never understand with your current ways. My family and friends now have a new story to tell and we have learned a few lessons from the experience.

Let me tell you some of my lessons. 

1. The Jeep you stole and drove so recklessly was given to a young lady who could teach you many valuable life lessons. She is honest, smart, disciplined. 

2. Items you took or destroyed can be repaired or replaced. You did not cause harm to what really matters to me. 

3. Another point I would like to make is to tell you that all of my items were purchased by me or given to me as gifts. We all know you cannot say the same. (Those designer sunglasses worn by your female accomplice do not count since you stole those also). 

4. While sometimes things go wrong, many more things go right. APD sent out one of their best to take our report. My wonderful husband, great friends, family and even strangers spent time driving the streets of Amarillo, sharing information through social media and offering unconditional support. The officers who work 24/7 to protect and serve found the Jeep and worked diligently to recover evidence that will make you face consequences for your actions. Maybe you can become part of the human race that is loving and kind. 

5. There may have been things that made it easier for you to commit your crimes, but you are still to blame. 

I am sorry for whatever made you mean, cruel and desperate. I believe you count on people being afraid of you and your violent streaks. You need to know that life is not about stealing but earning. Giving makes you a richer person.  I hope you make necessary changes and get help so that you stop putting people through the type of pain you have inflicted on me and my family.

Dear Sydney

Before I was a mom I had determined I was going to be an authoritative parent. I would have rules and limits, but I would follow them through with patience and love. I never had a lot of patience but thought I would learn it easily. Three kids later my dreams of a perfect home kingdom is slowly crumbling. Parenting is not a true science with black and white rules to follow. Changing things/rules seems the only way to meet the needs of the individuals and the entire family. What's best for one isn't necessarily going to work for another child. Let's face it what works for me may not work for the kids.  

The truth is I am your parent.  I am not your friend. I never thought it would be this hard. The mom I thought I would be doesn't exist. I'm not perfect. I would have failed at any attempt to learn how to parent. 

I will never forget the amazing feeling of holding you for the first time. The new life held in my arms was a perfect package.  You were beautiful, healthy.  You looked like me.  You immediately looked to me to provide for you. Later you began to look up to me.  Those are some big shoes I must try to fill. 

The best way to face today and each day ahead is with baby steps.  This should be the best adventure of our lives. 

Mistakes I've made and may make again include:

1. Expecting the worst

2. Sweating the small stuff and losing my temper over it

3. Ignoring the big stuff 

4. Too much or too little discipline 

5. Too few or inconsistent responsibilities for each family member to contribute to the family 

6. Not putting God does and the family second and individuals third

7. Talking too much and not listening enough 

8. Trying to fix a problem rather than deal with the emotion 

I am sorry for the mistakes I've made. 

Before we know it this time will have passed and it will be just a memory.  I pray that it will be mostly happy ones of volleyball, school events, friends, vacations, etc. 

You are different than any other person on earth. You are an individual.  You are my second born child, the middle child. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are somewhat rebellious. You are strong willed. You are a BIG part of a circle of friends. You are You!  I am proud you are my daughter. 

Look inward not outward. Make a deliberate attempt with me to change how you and I see things.  Don't expect others to change for me and you. 

Remember, I love you no matter what.